Position Snapshot

Position Title:
Leisure Army Grunt

Location:
InterFuse

Employee Type:
Full-Time Employee

Industry:
Burner Services/InterFuse Infrastructure

Manages Others:
Fuck no

Job Type:
Shitty

Education:
School of Hard Knocks n Shit
Degree from FSU preferred

Experience:
At least a couple months of fucking shit up.

Position Description

About Us:

The Leisure Army is a private, nonprofit organization that is dedicated to doing what makes sense for the Burners of InterFuse through a diverse range of random awkwardness, unnecessary beligerance, and hard work. Our goal, every day, is to fuck shit up and get shit done.

Position Purpose:

To build shit, tear shit down, and take shits. This position serves the Burner community at large by assisting with any logistical functions necessary for the continuance of our annual family reunion. Participates in drunkeness, debauchery, and bachanallian propensities of every type and nature.

REPORTS TO: The Leisure Army Head MotherFucker In Charge (TLA HMFIC)

Responsibilities:

• Ensures the accuracy, content and completeness of alcohol orders.
• Ensure Burner centered evidence based practices are applied in direct service delivery.
• Participates in the planning, programming and fucking shit up of all InterFuse logistical activities.
• Participates in the development of short, intermediate and long range plans and goals for late night drunkeness.
• Maintains a close working relationship with other components of the MWB InterFuse infrastructure.
• Assists in organizing nothing. Organizing is for people too retarded to just get shit done.
• Provides false information to Rangers on all possible occasions.
• Conducts and coordinates assessments of fellow TLA members inebriation.
• Conducts or coordinates case planning conferences at required intervals. There are no required intervals.
• Serves as the court liaison for any situations that arise between TLA and law enforcement.
• Monitors the alcohol blood content level of self.
• Provides follow-up support services when permanency is achieved.
• Maintains the accuracy and content of alcohol records.
• Develops and implements procedures and controls to promote accurate and timely information flow on the availability of "provisions".
• Refrains from assuming any duty that is unrelated to and/or interferes with the responsibilities of the position.
• Advocates, promotes and practices cultural sensitivity and responsiveness in all day-to-day interactions. Except when such advocacy interferes with other responsibilities, such as getting shit done.
• Develops, promotes and practices teamwork in all activities, except when such teamwork requires working with others.
• Other duties as assigned.

Requirements:

To perform this job successfully, an individual must be able to perform each essential duty satisfactorily.

The requirements listed below are representative of the knowledge, skill and/or ability required.

EDUCATION AND/OR EXPERIENCE:

• Master’s degree in Fucking Shit Up required.
• One felony and several misdemeanors preferred.

PRESENTATION SKILLS:

• You do not need to be able to read for this position.

FINANCIAL/COMPUTATIVE SKILLS:

• Ability to count the number of beers in a 12 pack required.

ANALYTICAL ABILITY:

• Ability to create problems, destroy data, establish lies and draw invalid conclusions.
• Ability to attempt or interpret an extensive variety of technical instructions in mathematical or diagram form and deal with abstract and concrete variables… Okay, that's just bullshit.

PHYSICAL DEMANDS:

The physical demands described here are representative of those that must be met by an employee to successfully perform the essential functions of this job.

• Must be able to lift two cases of alcohol With your genitals.
• While performing the duties of this job, the employee is regularly required to talk, hear, stand, sit and walk. These actions do not have to be performed sober.
• The employee frequently is required to use hands and fingers; climb or balance; and stoop or kneel. Especially during sex.
• Specific vision abilities required by this job include close vision, distance vision and the ability to see the future.

WORK ENVIRONMENT:

The work environment characteristics described here are representative of those an employee encounters while performing the essential functions of this job.

• While performing the duties of this job, the employee always works in outside weather conditions.
• The noise level in the work environment is usually insane.
• Your coworkers will be complete assholes. Deal with it.